Cold season

The Babe has her first cold, along with myself and my husband. It's dreadful. She wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, presumably because she's congested and can't breath well. And now when she sneezes, well, stuff comes out. I feel terrible, because we exposed her to this and now she has it. We can't give her anything except saline drops to clear out her congestion, and while my husband can load up on Neocitran and cold medicine, I have to stay clean because I'm breastfeeding.

The only side benefit is that the Babe and I are hanging out spending lots of time in bed trying to rest and get healthy. Which means lots of cuddles and tickles and general silliness.

~ H

Switching to cloth

Are we nuts? We have gone this long using disposables and NOW we choose to go to cloth? The reason is because we had always wanted to use cloth, but thought we would wait until the Babe was making a significantly less amount of number 2's. Then we realized, she may not do that for awhile and we decided to wait until she was sleeping through the night. But she's still not doing that either. So we ordered the disposable liners and at 2pm today there was liftoff! So long land-filling disposable diapers! Except for at nighttime and when we're going out, because realistically, me remembering a wet bag of diapers in my diaper bag is not going to happen and will result in too many cloth diapers headed for the trash. I'm eco-friendly, but I'm also forgetful.

I'm not so high and mighty to say that this is the end all, be all for us. I know there is a chance we may throw in the towel and say it's not for us. But I want to try, to at least give it a chance, because I do value the planet and my impact on it.

So we've done the research and chosen to go the wet diaper pail route. It seems kind of gross, having all that standing water full of poopy diapers, but it also seems like the best way to avoid stains. A friend bought us special soap for washing the diapers and I've chosen to put them in the dryer, because again, I'm realistic about the space I have to hang-dry diapers.

I will keep you posted on our successes, challenges and impressions along the way.

~ H

Made in the USA

Today a friend and I made the trek down south the Bellis Fair for a little Target and Costco madness with our babies. While both babies had meltdowns during the 30-minute wait at the crossing heading down there, Her 2-month-old slept the majority of the rest of the time while the Babe, now 4 months, screamed bloody murder most of the time she was in her carseat. And she can scream. I enjoy a good States shopping trip as much as the next girl, but today's excursion showed me those trips may become fewer and far between the older the Babe gets.

She just gets bored, and I don't anticipate that lessening any time soon. Plus, to go with two babies and two moms means little to no room for groceries if we had brought both strollers. So since the Babe is enjoying her Ergo now, I opted to leave the stroller at home, which meant I was carrying the 15-pounder for quite some time. And I know she's only going to get bigger (read: heavier).

So I relished in the cheap dairy, bought two cases of my pop rather than one, and opted to take advantage of the Benefit Brow Bar at Macy's and let Sarah groom my bushy mom brows back into stylish arches (best $20 I spent today). I finished off the day with a gigantic Costco ice cream bar and treated my friend to one too. Those things are dangerous at $1.50 each! Because I don't know when I'll be back again.

~ H

One mans trash

I can't recall who first introduced me to the Cloverdale Kids Swap Meet. But man, am I glad they did. The swap is this coming Saturday. This huge swap meet happens once a month and it's crazy! Crazy because of the deals I have gotten, $10 for 5 pairs of baby shoes, and crazy because the attendees are usually on a mission and you have to be able to hold your own in a crowd. Luckily, I have navigated the Chinese subway system at rush hour so I feel adept at handling these crowds.

There are two buildings filled with vendors, mostly selling used baby and kid clothes, toys, supplies and more, and there are also some tables of new items such as hair accessories, tutu ls, personalized books and other items. Bring small bills and lots of them. My first time I brought a singular $100 bill and ended up having to beg money off my sister because no one could give me change, not even the ladies at the front doors. They have an ATM but it is an independent one so it has higher than average service fees. Also, bring your own reusable bags as only some vendors provide bags and they aren't too sturdy.

Expect to pay $1-$4 per piece of clothing, but come ready to negotiate. Most vendors are local moms just looking to part with their stuff for a decent price. Of course, better deals can be had if you buy more items, and some vendors will let you leave big stuff you have purchased at their tables so you can keep shopping. But you can always leave and come back in at no charge for the day.

The swap opens at 9am but the seasoned shoppers get there around 8:30-8:45 to line up because the good and big stuff goes quick. I showed up to the January swap at 8:50 and as I got to the front of the line I saw a guy walking out with a gorgeous wooden rocking horse. It definitely pays to be early.

Admission is $5 and parking is free. The swap is held on the Cloverdale fairgrounds and there are signs as you get close. Maybe I'll see you there - I'll be the one with the blue Ergo elbowing other moms out of the way so I can pick up a change table pad and some sun hats for the babe.

~ H

Feeding when you have to

An ill-timed day has resulted in this post coming to you from the backseat of my car, parked in an semi-filled parking lot, while I breastfeed the babe. Our early morning wake-up resulted in an earlier nap, which lead to a longer playtime, which then lead to a 2-hour nap (hurray) which ended when we had to leave for the dentist. The appointment was so quick I thought we could make it home to feed, but 10 minutes into driving I knew I was kidding myself. And here we are. Strangely, I'm becoming more and more okay with this, as I realize it's just a part of having a baby.

Let's just hope I don't get a ticket for indecent exposure!

Amber necklace vs. teething drops

This is my first interactive post where I'm looking for feedback. Ask your friends, your mom, your teacher, whoever, for suggestions on easing teething in little babies. And then tell me! The babe is in full teething mode and is having some serious mood swings and sleep issues, both of which I believe are tied to the teething.

Last night I fed her to the brim and between boobs I even added some infant Advil to ease the pain and hopefully carry her through the night. Did. Not. Work. We were up every two hours until 7:00 a.m. This cannot go on, for her sake and for the sake of my sanity and my marriage. So I am taking suggestions. Any suggestions. Even if they sound crazy, as long as they aren't harmful to the babe.

~ H

Shame, shame, double shame

Tonight I had a mini-breakdown (less than 10 minutes spent crying) about what I felt was a selfishness on my behalf. Prior to being a mom, I relished my alone time and often spent hours on the computer, or longer ago, time in front of my sewing machine working on a project. Now, it seems as though every time I have a spare alone minute and I just get settled in front of the computer, television, sewing machine, Kitchenaid mixer, etc. then bam! the baby monitor starts flashing the red lines and the babe's screams echo through the ducts to wherever I am. And for a moment, or a long while, I am mad at her. Insert shameface here.

I know I'm a good mom, and if ever I forget it my husband is quickly there to bolster my spirits and remind me. But I do feel ashamed that I so crave time to myself, frequently, and that the craving results in anger, however short lived, towards my daughter when it is interrupted. I love that little baby with all my heart and of course she is more important to me than updating my credit card information online or finishing the stitching on a table cover. My frustrations easily mount these days when I'm working on little sleep and a sore body and I often find myself lashing out at those closest to me (read: my husband and our fat beagle).

To remedy this I am attending an extra yoga class this week and allowing myself as many Walmart Skor cookies as I like (maximum 6, because there are 6 in the container). I am also trying to communicate better with my husband, not a strong suit of mine but I'm working on it.

~ H

My Mommy Hook bit me

It's been a rough week. The babe is exhibiting major signs of teething, but also some signs of possibly fighting a cold or other sickness. She went from one dirty diaper a day back to 5-6 and now screams bloody murder when placed on her change table after her bath, as though she knows bedtime is next and she's not having any of it.

I've also been anxious and stressed out more than usual, which I can attribute to the upcoming anniversary of my mom's passing (2001). But I've also been extra clumsy, unable to exercise as much as I like, and finally, to top it off, when taking my ultra compact and lightweight City Mini stroller (which I would highly recommend to shorter moms as I am 5'2") out of the cargo hold of my SUV the Mommy Hook attached to handle bar scratched me deep enough to draw blood.

Frustration nearly got the best of me and I almost tossed it clear across the parking lot, a common action of mine when frustrated. I have been known to break things, on purpose, when my stress level gets too high. It's usually a kitchen item that my husband and I disagree on anyways, but that doesn't make it healthy. This time I took a deep breath, placed the Mommy Hook below the stroller in the cargo basket and put a bandaid on my finger. Serenity now, zen mommy, serenity now.

Teething

Yep. Teething. She is 3 months and has begun pre-teething and I'm expecting a breakthrough any day now. Drooling everywhere for the last month, and now she knaws on my fingers any chance she can get. It freaks me out because I have heard that breastfeeding is most likely over as soon as babies get teeth and I would like to keep breastfeeding for at least a few more months. Part of my reasoning is because we are going on vacation to Mexico at the end of April and I don't really want to be making bottles and questioning the water I'm making it with.

It also makes me sad because she's still so little; she can't even hold a teething ring properly to ease her pain. I am giving her frozen washcloths and bought a bottle of locally-made teething oil to hopefully help her. But nights seem to be getting worse, and I'm not sure if it's the teething or if she's fighting something else as well. She starts screaming as soon as I put her on the changetable after her bath and it's a fight for at least another hour. Last night there was an addition of a screaming bout at 4:30am. We have a very tired household today.

Needless to say, her schedule is totally out of whack and I'm pretty much letting her sleep wherever and whenever she wants because she's having a rough go of it. Poor babe.

Adult time

One of the benefits of putting the babe to bed before 11pm means the husband and I get a little time to ourselves. Nothing too fancy, but we try to watch a show or a movie together, or just sit together in the living room while I read and he uses the iPad. Tonight, however, he busted out the big guns and got the hot tub going.

You see, we have recently moved into a house with a hot tub. But because I was pregnant and then recovering, I couldn't really use it. Plus, we had a really cold January and trekking outside after midnight wasn't appealing. But tonight he took a radio out there, I poured a glass of wine and we just relaxed. It was so nice just to chill and chat and look at the stars. It makes us both a little more understanding of one another when we're bickering - because man, do we know how to bicker sometimes.

Cheers to adult time! I need to make it more of a priority if I want to be a happy wife and have a happy husband.

~ H

Schedule update

A mom asked me today how my sleep schedule was going and I realize I haven't posted an update. While every day is a new day, for the most part the babe is on schedule and happier for it. We try to work on a 3 hour rotation - wake up, eat, play for an hour to an hour and a half and then nap. She tends to go down for a nap quite well, as long as I'm paying attention to her cues (ear pulling, eye rubbing, long blinks or an overall fussiness). She has a pacifier, which I also use to put her down. We know this means we'll have to wean her off of it, but she needs it so we're fine with it.

I started this post at 5:30pm this evening, and at that point the babe was staying true to my word. Fast forward two hours and she was in the middle of a major breakdown. Screaming to the point of losing her voice, gassy, angry and so upset that we forgo the bath because we thought it would upset her too much. After an hour of pacing and patting, followed by rocking and an attempt at co-sleeping, she finally petered out next to me in our bed and I eventually transferred her to her bassinet when she was good and asleep.

Today is an off day. I knew that by noon based on her demeanor, so I was prepared to throw the bedtime routine out the window if necessary. The biggest part of this scheduling, for us, is knowing how to be flexible for her. I am constantly reminded that my A-type personality and desire for conformity has no place in her life. I have to roll with it, whatever it is, and just know that one bad day doesn't mean we've failed; it's just one bad day.

Oh, and she's also just discovered her thumb. Awesome.

~ H

Mommy groups

I have found that most moms are either fans or haters of Mommy groups such as Baby & Me, Mom & Baby Yoga, etc. The main issues seem to be the small talk and the possibility of perceived competition between the babies.

I myself am a fan of the groups. I like the social aspect, I need to chat about my labour and laugh about the things that did and didn't happen to other moms. I enjoy listening to other moms stories about their babies and yes, I even enjoy a good craft here and there.

I am also the first in my immediate social group to have a baby, so perhaps that also plays into my need for socialization that can include multiple feeds and a possible diaper explosion. Having others there who are not only willing to hold your baby, but who will continue holding them when they are crying, is a godsend.

Take them or leave them, but Mom & Baby yoga is something I relish in my week, and not just for the stretching.

~ H

Change room hell

Today I took a break from mommy life and drove across the line with the intent of lunch with a friend and low low prices at Bellis Fair Mall. You see, I have Nexus so the idea of crossing the border is not as daunting for me as it can be for some.

While shopping at Bellis Fair, I remembered that I need a new bathing suit, as we have just booked our first with-baby vacation and all of my suits no longer fit the tatas that come with breast feeding. They also show far too much of my baby belly, which is not a foreign concept to me because my stomach is my trouble zone.

Fast forward to the Target change room and several separates later, and I have now decided that I may swim in a cover up because there is no way in hell I am sitting poolside in a bathing suit. Did I mention we're going away with a group? A group that includes some extremely fit people?

I understand, I've just had a baby 2.5 months ago. But as I pointed out before, this is not a new issue. I have issues when it comes to my tummy and they have only been compounded since having the babe.

One of my favourite parts of being pregnant was not caring about my midsection. I could wear tight shirts and be proud of my belly because there was a baby in there! Now I feel like I'm back at square one - actually behind square one because I have a jelly belly again but no core strength and a bruised tailbone. And I'm sure the newfound convenience of drive-thru when out with the babe and sudden fits of famishing hunger causing me to eat everything in sight do not help the situation.

I'll keep posting on my belly work and self-acceptance progress.

~ H

A little me time

Hallelujah! I have just finished the most glorious, luxurious, calming bath I've had in a long time. This is significant because it is the first bath I have had since the babe was born.

I love baths. Long, lazy baths with hot hot water and some sort of scented salt or oil or powder. Preferably lavender-scented. I will take in a book and emerge 30 minutes to an hour later in a dopey state feeling at peace with the world. I will also take the time to shave my legs in a more comfortable position than I would be in in the shower.

I have recently been reminded that I have not enjoyed a solo bath in over two months. The birth of the babe has left me little time for such luxuries, however with the recently enforced earlier bedtime, tonight I found myself with an empty house (Super Bowl Sunday) and a beckoning tub. Once a deep baby sleep was achieved, I grabbed a bath bomb (lavender-scented) and an old favourite "Tuesdays With Morrie" and settled in.

I feel rejuvenated and relaxed and thankful the babe is still sleeping as I type this. She sleeps with her arms beside her head, which I find adorable.

~ H

Old life versus new life

1. OL - Sleep late on the weekends
   NL - Up at 7:15ish with the baby, brewing a coffee with eyes half open, not still asleep yet not quite awake
   
   
2. OL - There was a difference between weekdays and weekends
   NL - The only difference between weekdays and weekends is that I can't figure out why the grocery store is so much busier, until I realize it's Sunday
   
   
3. OL - I used to say to my friends with kids, "Can't you just get a babysitter?"
   NL - I can't fathom the thought of paying a babysitter for any other reason than... nope, can't fathom it at all.
   
   
4. OL - 6 shopping stops in 2 hours? No problem
   NL - 2 shopping stops in 2 hours? Can't I just go to Walmart or Superstore and get it all done at once?
   
   
5. OL - Dancing in 5 inch heels
   NL - Dancing around my kitchen in slippers and a bathrobe

Ahh how my life has changed. But it's different in a good way, because I feel *cheesy moment coming up be warned* like I actually have a purpose now, that there is this young mind who needs help learning how to fall asleep on its own, and where the lights in the room are, and the furry thing who breathes heavily is not a predator, rather a friend.

Day 3 of sleep training is progressing and I hazard to say it's progressing well. The babe is down for her second nap of the day, and I feel happy. That seems like a simple, perhaps unexciting choice of a word, but it is the best descriptor I can think of. I'm happy we're doing this sleep training, I'm happy that the babe seems to be taking to it, and I'm happy because she's happy - it clearly shows when she is awake that she is engaged and playful and in a positive mood. I'm relieved that I am better able to identify her cues and respond quicker and correctly. I feel hope, and a bit more positive that I can do this.

~ H

To a schedule we go!

Last night was the first night of an attempted schedule. I read my book of choice The Sleep Sense Program by Dana Obleman. I like that she lists different options for putting your child to bed, knowing that leaving the room and letting them cry it out just isn't an option for some (me, I meant me). I also like the sample schedules because I am an A type personality who needs lists and labels and follows recipes and reads instructions. I have trouble solely trusting my gut and would prefer to at least have a guideline to work with.

The night started loud, with a crying jag and tossing/turning that lasted for the longest 30 minutes of our lives. My poor husband attempted to stay in the room, but when the screaming began to rival a coyote's howls, he bid his retreat to the guest room with my blessing. The night got better, quieter and progressed into a good day.

I chose to stay home and skip my fitness class to try to get a handle on naps. The babe has issues with her bassinet - who doesn't have issues with their bassinet - and today's goal was simply for her to fall asleep in the bassinet as opposed to her carseat, my arms, her swing, her rocker, you get the point. Well, 4 naps were had, all in the bassinet and one was over an hour! Sweet relief.

Bedtime was the same routine as last night, and man, that kid catches on quick! Before I could zip up her sleep sack she was crying because she knew what was coming. I could not believe it. But it was less painful tonight, for the both of us I think.

I'm beginning to realize that while I thought it was great how much I was getting out of the house before, I think it best to spend a little more time at home working on the basics. Yes, my independence is important to me, but not as important as sleep, both for me and her.

We're about to hit the 3 hour mark since I last put her down. Fingers crossed for a good night...

A case of the screams

On Facebook I have nicknamed our child Screamy. This is not without reason. After the sun sets, usually within an hour, the screams begin. I begin the pacifying dance which usually starts with, "you're okay baby, you're okay" which turns inevitably into a dance/bob around the living room and that fails I wind up with the final offering of milk, and if that fails, then I'm screwed.

Tonight, I think I'm screwed. We've been back and forth all night - passing the babe from one to the other, rocking, feeding, a bath, a story, possibly asleep for the night... but wait, no, just a 30 minute nap it seems, more feeding, the screams again and it's back to the passing. My husband reads aloud to me that overtired babies often cry more at night and have a harder time sleeping through the night. I cannot get over the Catch-22'ness of that situation. I immediately begin again questioning myself as a mother, wondering why I can't seem to get this cycle to work for us. I shoulder the responsibility because I am the source of food. Is she eating enough? How do I know? She's gaining weight, but she's hell in a swaddle come 9pm. Should I try feeding her more? Check my last post.

So the question becomes: how the frick do I get my overtired baby to fall asleep for more than 30 minutes? I will report back on what I hope becomes progress, but may just end being more nights of the husband bunking in the spare rooms to save his ears and sanity and strength for his hands on job.

Everyone has an opinion

Current question of day: sleep training - is your baby sleep trained? I'm not asking the question. I'm being asked the question. Constantly. But not directly, no, more in a roundabout, subtle, sometimes judgy sort of way. Other mothers start by asking "how are you sleeping?" When I answer honestly "Not great, some nights are better than others." I always get one of two responses - one: a long spiel about how you can start sleep-training from birth (which maybe you can) and an explanation on how they did it and how it's so great now; two: a knowing look and the long spiel about how only you know your child and you can't sleep train until 4 months or XX lbs (clearly I don't know what that weight is) and the comment that only you know your child and you will know when to start sleep training.

Yes, only I know my child but I have never had a child before therefore I know when my child is upset but I'm never really sure why. It could be because she's tired. Heck, I'm tired! But come 10pm she definitely is not tired and she sure as hell would rather scream then be rocked on her side while swaddled with me whooshing in her ear.

No we haven't started sleep training because I couldn't decide which camp was right but now I'm forced into the latter because she's 2 months old now and not sleeping through the night. Judge away...

It is 11:48pm...

It's 11:48pm and I'm questioning my patience as a mother and a wife. Apparently 6 weeks is supposed to be the most fussy time for a new baby. Most fussy in my world equates to constant feeding during which my nipples are whipped around like a dog with a rubber toy. Seriously child, I am not a piece a beef jerky to knaw on. Most fussy also equates to constant crying unless being rocked in a side-to-side motion, no make that back and forth, no side-to-side, no wait maybe just low back pats, or no now a small vibration movement while holding her soother in with my thumbs as my hands are wrapped around her hands to prevent accidental (on purpose) removal of the soother.

Whew. I'm tired.
But she's not, and Dad is downstairs working on a long-awaited renovation project which I encouraged (read: demanded) he get back to work on. So it's just me here, singing Lauren Hill off-key and making up words where I have forgotten them, changing her diaper only to find out that wasn't the real reason she was crying in the first place and now that $0.15 has not made it's full potential for that diaper.

Wait. Her eyelids appear to be growing heavy. Perhaps if I lay extra still next to her and don't... nevermind, the crying has begun again. The soother goes back in, sleep sheep set to another 30 minutes of ocean sounds, and I'm sure I will once again attempt to master checking my Facebook updates while breast feeding within the next 30 minutes give or take.

Welcome!

So I've decided my 3 a.m musings while I'm breastfeeding my 2-month-old might be helpful to at least one other mother, or at the very least, mildly entertaining to someone.

When my daughter, whose current nickname is Screamy, allows me to, I hope to post frequently and somewhat poignantly - but it may be more of the former and less of the latter depending on the amount of sleep I have gotten.

Enjoy ~