Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A case of the screams

On Facebook I have nicknamed our child Screamy. This is not without reason. After the sun sets, usually within an hour, the screams begin. I begin the pacifying dance which usually starts with, "you're okay baby, you're okay" which turns inevitably into a dance/bob around the living room and that fails I wind up with the final offering of milk, and if that fails, then I'm screwed.

Tonight, I think I'm screwed. We've been back and forth all night - passing the babe from one to the other, rocking, feeding, a bath, a story, possibly asleep for the night... but wait, no, just a 30 minute nap it seems, more feeding, the screams again and it's back to the passing. My husband reads aloud to me that overtired babies often cry more at night and have a harder time sleeping through the night. I cannot get over the Catch-22'ness of that situation. I immediately begin again questioning myself as a mother, wondering why I can't seem to get this cycle to work for us. I shoulder the responsibility because I am the source of food. Is she eating enough? How do I know? She's gaining weight, but she's hell in a swaddle come 9pm. Should I try feeding her more? Check my last post.

So the question becomes: how the frick do I get my overtired baby to fall asleep for more than 30 minutes? I will report back on what I hope becomes progress, but may just end being more nights of the husband bunking in the spare rooms to save his ears and sanity and strength for his hands on job.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Update: Everyone has an opinion

After major mommy guilt about sleep training the babe, last night I breast fed for about 20 minutes and then we topped her up with formula.

Twenty minutes later what seems like a litre of liquid flowed out of her onto the husband and our bed. Epic fail. Cranky baby 1: sleep training 0

Friday, January 27, 2012

Everyone has an opinion

Current question of day: sleep training - is your baby sleep trained? I'm not asking the question. I'm being asked the question. Constantly. But not directly, no, more in a roundabout, subtle, sometimes judgy sort of way. Other mothers start by asking "how are you sleeping?" When I answer honestly "Not great, some nights are better than others." I always get one of two responses - one: a long spiel about how you can start sleep-training from birth (which maybe you can) and an explanation on how they did it and how it's so great now; two: a knowing look and the long spiel about how only you know your child and you can't sleep train until 4 months or XX lbs (clearly I don't know what that weight is) and the comment that only you know your child and you will know when to start sleep training.

Yes, only I know my child but I have never had a child before therefore I know when my child is upset but I'm never really sure why. It could be because she's tired. Heck, I'm tired! But come 10pm she definitely is not tired and she sure as hell would rather scream then be rocked on her side while swaddled with me whooshing in her ear.

No we haven't started sleep training because I couldn't decide which camp was right but now I'm forced into the latter because she's 2 months old now and not sleeping through the night. Judge away...

Thursday, January 26, 2012

It is 11:48pm...

It's 11:48pm and I'm questioning my patience as a mother and a wife. Apparently 6 weeks is supposed to be the most fussy time for a new baby. Most fussy in my world equates to constant feeding during which my nipples are whipped around like a dog with a rubber toy. Seriously child, I am not a piece a beef jerky to knaw on. Most fussy also equates to constant crying unless being rocked in a side-to-side motion, no make that back and forth, no side-to-side, no wait maybe just low back pats, or no now a small vibration movement while holding her soother in with my thumbs as my hands are wrapped around her hands to prevent accidental (on purpose) removal of the soother.

Whew. I'm tired.
But she's not, and Dad is downstairs working on a long-awaited renovation project which I encouraged (read: demanded) he get back to work on. So it's just me here, singing Lauren Hill off-key and making up words where I have forgotten them, changing her diaper only to find out that wasn't the real reason she was crying in the first place and now that $0.15 has not made it's full potential for that diaper.

Wait. Her eyelids appear to be growing heavy. Perhaps if I lay extra still next to her and don't... nevermind, the crying has begun again. The soother goes back in, sleep sheep set to another 30 minutes of ocean sounds, and I'm sure I will once again attempt to master checking my Facebook updates while breast feeding within the next 30 minutes give or take.


So I've decided my 3 a.m musings while I'm breastfeeding my 2-month-old might be helpful to at least one other mother, or at the very least, mildly entertaining to someone.

When my daughter, whose current nickname is Screamy, allows me to, I hope to post frequently and somewhat poignantly - but it may be more of the former and less of the latter depending on the amount of sleep I have gotten.

Enjoy ~