Monday, October 1, 2012

Back to work

So it's official - I start a new job in two weeks. I'm excited, anxious, worried, relieved and so many more emotions. How will The Babe do in full-time daycare? How will I do leaving her with someone else for more than just a one off? Am I doing the right thing by going back to work? Bah, so many questions!

Due to the fact that my new job works indirectly with kids, I choose not to discuss the specifics of what and where the job is. It is significantly closer to home, cutting my commute from a three hour round-trip to one hour, and it has benefits which was a major factor as my husband is self-employed and is covered under me. The commute was the major reason I began looking for a new role; I couldn't justify spending so much time away from my child if it wasn't be spent at work. The location of my new role is also close to a rec centre, which means I can get some exercise in as well (in theory).

But the mommy guilt, and a few faces who shall remain nameless, have me constantly questioning whether or not choosing to be a working mom is the best thing for my child. How can I know this? I can't! All I can do is try and see what happens. I know that I am passionate about the work that I do, as well as being passionate about my child, and I am content when I am doing the things I enjoy. I love being a mom, but I also love having something for myself and I'm excited to have new things to talk about over dinner.

I'm scared that the Babe won't receive enough attention and care at daycare. Is that a common fear amongst working moms? I trust the daycare provider and I know that socialization is huge for the Babe in order to be a happy human. I'm just nervous to not be with her, because it's been just the two of us during the days for the last ten months. How can I hand her over to someone else and say "here, please don't break her"? When I think about it, I am often reduced to tears.

Whew, deep breath. I just have to try and see what happens.

~ H


  1. I just want to say two things here. First, I was so, so, SO sorry to hear that you wouldn't be back at the ASBC. Your shoot-from-the-hip directness, you delightfully WICKED sense of humour, and your team approach to collaboration will be very much missed. That said, I completely understand your reasons. Cutting two hours of commute time when you have a wee one? Total no-brainer.

    Second, I can empathize with your emotional teeter-tottering over the day care thing and returning to work. That was a choice I had to make, too, way back in the day, and you know what? It may not have been perfect, there may have been some stressful days along the way, and it's entirely possible that my daughter would have benefited from me being a stay at home mum. Who can say? She's turned out brilliantly, in spite of (or maybe in part because of) her daycare years, and I honestly can't imagine what staying at home would have done to my psyche (and thus to her upbringing).

    Sometimes you just need to shove the nagging voices into the closet, slam the door, and follow your instincts. There's no second-guessing the future. You follow those dreams, my friend, and give your daughter a mother who is happy in her own skin.

    And stay in touch!

  2. Thank you for your kind words Kern! I thoroughly enjoyed my time as ASBC and all the people I was privileged to work with, yourself included. I will definitely stay in touch!