Friday, August 3, 2012

Your relationship magnified

I haven't yet posted about what happens to your relationship once baby arrives because I hadn't asked my husband if he was cool with that kind of a post. The kind where I tell the truth and say that somedays, not everyday, but somedays having a baby can make your relationship more work than it was before. Your problems, quirks and quarks can easily explode in the pressure cooker mix of lack of sleep, confusing baby cries and self-doubt. An innocent question such as "did you feed her on both sides?" is received as "obviously if you had fed her on both sides she would not be crying now. You should know that by now. You're a bad mother." Yelling and tears quickly ensue, as hormones are running rampant. But we've never had that happen to us ;)

There's the soother debate, the legal guardian "discussion", and the realization that a cleaning fairy does not magically appear when you have a baby. These used to be things we could talk about calmly, but our voices seem to get louder now. All of sudden staying home with the baby can turn into staring at an unkempt house and wanting help. A lot of help. And a maid and a cook. When your partner comes home, those observations have now turned into a list, a discussion and sometimes, a fight. You've read my previous post on lists - I love lists! But when there's things on the list that are not fun or hard to do, those often spark heated debates, more heated then before.

Maybe it's because I'm tired and sore a lot. Maybe it's because not working is unfamiliar to me and I am sometimes resentful of my husband getting to have more child-free time than I do during the day.

I now repeat what I hear in a heated conversation, so my husband has a chance to defend himself or clarify what I *think* he's saying. I try really hard at home. I hired a cleaning lady to come once a month. And I've resigned myself to the fact that the laundry will never completely be all done. Oh well, you can wear the same pair of underwear 4 days in a row right? ;)

~ H

No comments:

Post a Comment