Taking a leap

I did it. I made a choice. Or rather, we made a choice. As a couple, as a family. Yesterday I gave notice that I would not be returning from maternity leave. A flood of emotions has been washing over me. I'm terrified and happy and sad and scared. I cannot believe I left a job with benefits, something many people would literally die for. I cannot believe I thought benefits might tip the scales to keep me satisfied in a role I have outgrown. I took the leap because waiting on the edge of the cliff was exhausting, mentally and physically. We couldn't have anymore conversations, I couldn't make anymore budgets, I just had to take action and see how it all unfolds.

Choosing to stay at home with my children while I look for work has changed the course of our lives, according to one of my friends. She is right. I have made a conscious decision to put my career on pause for a little while, though I won't stay I've jumped completely off the ladder. The beauty of my field is the contract market, should you choose to market yourself. Now I have the ability to work in different areas (photography, writing, editing, social media management) on my own schedule. The chance to spend more time making these and these. The opportunity to perhaps take an online course or two. So many doors and so many windows.

I have never left a job without having another one, except for my post-college summer break right after I finished my Bachelor's degree. But as I write that I think "I have another job! It's being a mom!" I'm not leaving to sit on the couch and eat bon bons (although I do have a box of Maui Caramacs on the counter which are calling my name). I will be colouring, painting, exploring nature and checking out Science World and the zoo. We will be swimming and having playdates and learning more counting and singing songs. We will be going to the library to get our weekly stamps for summer reading club and checking out what's going on around town. I will be helping to run my husband's growing business. I will learning. And should an opportunity to work out of the house come up and it fits with our family, we will explore that too.

A big thank you to those who been listening ears, who have offered advice or told me about your own decision and challenges. I haven't been able to talk to everyone who has offered, because in the end I needed to take some time to think about what I want, what my husband wants, what our girls are needing right now. But everyone's kind words have been in my heart.

Enough with this, let's move on. Next week's post will be about the trials of a Costco shop with two kids. Back to the funny already!

~ H