Friday, May 15, 2015

Tummy troubles

I have a tummy. I would love to say it came from my babies, but that would be a lie. It has been there for as long as I can remember, smaller and larger depending on my workout regime, diet and alcohol intake. It is something I struggle with daily because, on the one hand, I want my girls to embrace their bodies and love all their parts so I should too, but on the other hand I could follow and share the advice that if you don't like something, try to change it. I have never done anything for a consistent amount of time to reduce my tummy, so I am not sure that I would still have one if I did. But here I stand, constantly battling with my wardrobe in the morning: do I dress to hide it, picking drapey shirts or ones with strategic gathers, or do I say "this is me" and wear a form fitting t-shirt or tank top? I hate to think my daughters may go through this same dilemma. It is such a useless dilemma to ponder. I hate to think my daughters would go through it because they saw me go through it.

Which brings me to the reason behind he dilemma in the first place. Between #fitfam hashtags, Whole30 lifestyles and Crossfit converts I am bombarded with ways to change my shape - if I choose to. But should I? I can work to change what appears to be my forever body type or I can work to embrace my body exactly how it is. Neither option seems right or wrong, just different forms of self-love. Working your body at the gym or spend the time with my family. Eat whatever I want (donuts, cheese, more donuts) or stick to trying new recipes for lentils and veggies in the kitchen (not kale, never again, not even as chips loaded with salt). I could go the rec centre gym, work with a trainer twice a week while The Babe is at preschool and put Baby Macaroni in the babysitting room they have. But that is my only one-on-one time with her, and there is also a nap in there. And is that really how I want to spend my time? Slaving away without my kids to be more comfortable in my own skin? I want to be more comfortable in my own skin period. I want to look in the mirror and say "damn! I like what I see!" It shouldn't just be my husband saying ;) I need to say it too. But I would love to be active with my kids in a way that is fun and fat-burning at the same time.

If abs are made in the kitchen, how much stock should I put in enjoying my food? Are grilled chicken salads and steel cut oats the way I should be going? I wouldn't say we eat badly. There is almost always a protein, a veg and a carb option for dinner. Some nights it is two veg and no carbs! But we definitely use salt and butter and portion sizes are not a huge priority. I incorporate a meatless meal once a week and I frequently make egg muffins for a quick breakfast. Post-dinner TV snacks almost always happen as well.

I think what I am most concerned with is not having a stance. Embrace or work for what you want? I want my girls to like what they see when they look in the mirror. Powerful arms, jelly bellies or larger feet - I just hope they like what they see. 

~ H

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