Sunday, June 29, 2014

Less than a month

To go until this baby arrives. How am I feeling? Scared. Excited. Nervous. Hungry. Uncomfortable. Mostly hungry. Strangers look at me and say, "your first?" I tell them no, and explain this baby can stay in there as long as she wants, that I'm in no great rush to lose more sleep and attempt breast-feeding once again. As always, I try to be honest, with myself and with others. There's no sense hiding the fact that I have no idea what life will look like with a toddler, a newborn and an elderly dog every day for the next year. I've been at work for the last two years, spending most days talking to adults. These first few weeks of maternity leave have left me craving adult conversation, and I haven't even had the baby yet!

I'm nervous the enthusiasm The Babe shows for Baby Macaroni now will wear off quickly once she arrives home. I'm not sure how her newest form of tantrums - screaming at the top of her lungs - will go over when I'm bleary-eyed and the baby has just finally gone down for nap. Will my toddler drive me to my breaking point? Will she turn into that unicorn who loves her baby sibling more than anything and only wants to help Mommy? Will I only feed her cheese because it is what she is always asking for anyways? Will I only eat cheese because it will be the only grocery item I can remember to buy? 

I am also feeling some guilt for Baby #2, knowing that for The Babe I wrote number of letters during my pregnancy and soon after to her in the event I am not around to tell her about my pregnancy. I have not done that for Baby Macaroni because I have been too damned tired, busy, forgetful, etc. Yes, I can start today. Or buy a notebook and write "read your sister's" on the front page. I'm sure that would make her feel super special ;) I also have bought no new clothes for Baby Macaroni other than a 3-pack of white onesies, relying on the 90% chance she is also female and I will have more than enough of The Babe's handmedowns to clothe her forever. The 3-pack of onesies is to cover the 10% (this is not a scientific percentage by the way,) that Baby Macaroni is a boy, as the ultrasound tech couldn't be 99% sure either way. Will I need new clothes? How many clothes in the first year are seasonal? I can't remember how many onesies I was able to keep, with the constant diaper blowouts and foray into cloth diapering. I'm guessing, like labour, I will just know when it is happening. I hope.

In the meantime, I'm cooking up a storm of freezer meals and going through years of clutter while stuffing my face with ice cream because it is the ONLY thing I want to eat most of the time. For my friends and acquaintances who have made the leap from one to two, now would be a great time to chime in with survival tips. Or your most highly recommended white wine ;)

~ H

1 comment:

  1. Boyo! Now Elise and I really want kids! Seriously, though, you'll be fine, stop worrying about letters to your kids (if my mother had written something like that it would not be a life-changing epiphany for me), anyone who knows you knows the more you let it go and enjoy it the better off you are, and I don't even know you that well! Muchos love from France