Back to work

So it's official - I start a new job in two weeks. I'm excited, anxious, worried, relieved and so many more emotions. How will The Babe do in full-time daycare? How will I do leaving her with someone else for more than just a one off? Am I doing the right thing by going back to work? Bah, so many questions!

Due to the fact that my new job works indirectly with kids, I choose not to discuss the specifics of what and where the job is. It is significantly closer to home, cutting my commute from a three hour round-trip to one hour, and it has benefits which was a major factor as my husband is self-employed and is covered under me. The commute was the major reason I began looking for a new role; I couldn't justify spending so much time away from my child if it wasn't be spent at work. The location of my new role is also close to a rec centre, which means I can get some exercise in as well (in theory).

But the mommy guilt, and a few faces who shall remain nameless, have me constantly questioning whether or not choosing to be a working mom is the best thing for my child. How can I know this? I can't! All I can do is try and see what happens. I know that I am passionate about the work that I do, as well as being passionate about my child, and I am content when I am doing the things I enjoy. I love being a mom, but I also love having something for myself and I'm excited to have new things to talk about over dinner.

I'm scared that the Babe won't receive enough attention and care at daycare. Is that a common fear amongst working moms? I trust the daycare provider and I know that socialization is huge for the Babe in order to be a happy human. I'm just nervous to not be with her, because it's been just the two of us during the days for the last ten months. How can I hand her over to someone else and say "here, please don't break her"? When I think about it, I am often reduced to tears.

Whew, deep breath. I just have to try and see what happens.

~ H

We have a roller

And I don't know why I wanted her to roll in the first place. Because now she can roll, but only back to front. Which means at 11:30pm and 3:30am we hear screaming coming from the nursery and it's one of two scenarios. One: the Babe is on her front and desperate to get back to her back, or two: she is on her front and has shimmied over in her crib so that both her legs are hanging out of the crib and she is stuck that way. I probably shouldn't find it as funny as I do when I find her this way.

The rolling is bittersweet. I'm happy that the Babe is progressing through her milestones and keeping up with her little buddies. However, (and I'm actually getting a little emotional writing this) it makes me sad because she's growing up, bit by bit. My husband makes fun of me because I tend to mourn things early, such as the end of the weekend. I'm halfway through the workday and I'm sad because although the weekend has not yet begun, I am already anticipating the coming of Sunday night. I feel that way about the Babe. She can't even sit up yet, but already I'm sad that she's no longer a tiny baby.

That being said, if she could figure out how to roll all the way over and not get stuck and cry, I'd be okay with that.

~ H