I need to tell you

Inspired by a Pinterest post, I wanted to share the things I want to tell my daughter before she becomes the wildabeast I was once at 14. There are the 7 things I want her to know:

1) You are valued.
You are valued by the people around you. By your father, your family, your friends and by me. Being valued can be more meaningful than being important.

2) You don't need to pretend you like things if you don't.
And vice versa. If you like climbing trees, climb them and don't let anyone tell you it's dumb to climb trees. If you don't like make up, you don't have to wear it. If you like listening to classical music, I will take you to concerts or drop you off with a friend who shares your interest. There are a lot of ways you can continue doing the things you like, even if some of your friends don't like all the same things.

3) You will always have immunity.
If you are in trouble, in an unsafe place, cannot drive or don't want to be in a car with someone, or need help, you can call your dad, myself, or one of the adults in our world who you feel close to and you will not be in trouble. We may have a conversation about the choices you made leading up to that call. But you will never be yelled at or made to feel ashamed for calling for help.

4) We will always protect you.
If it means changing our phone number, driving you to a friend's house to sort out a problem or talking to an adult about a situation, we will always protect you and keep you safe. If you have gotten yourself into a situation, we will work together to find a resolution.

5) If you want me to know, you have to tell me.
If you want me to know what music you like, tell me. I'll listen. If you want me to know how you're feeling, tell me. I'll put on some tea and we'll have a conversation. If you want to join a different team, tell me. We can have a family meeting and sort out which team is the best fit for you and your skills.

6) Try hard always.
To say do your best is a lot to ask, though I hope you would, but you can always try hard. Try hard to be a good friend. Try hard to understand what the teacher is saying. Try hard to talk to people at school that you wouldn't normally talk to. Try hard to be a good teammate.

7) Respect your father and I.
We will always treat you with respect and we expect the same. Talk to us in a respectful manner. If you are unsure what that means, just ask. Respect our decisions and our opinions, because we have experienced the things you are just experiencing and we remember the outcome of our experiences. Treat the people in our house with respect because they are guests, invited by us. We will always treat your friends with respect an so we expect the same courtesy.

I love you and I know that you will be happy and successful. I enjoy the time we get to spend with you :)

~ H

A year in review

So this post is about a month late, but since being back at work full-time I find that I barely can find time to shower, let alone blog. And since I work in an office, the showering has to take priority over the blogging. We celebrated the Babe's first year back in November and it's amazing how far we have come. We went from being terrified parents to... okay we are still are little terrified at time, but at least we seem to have a bit more knowledge under our belts. In the spirit of the holidays and the recognition of what little time everyone has, I'll share my observations in a bulleted list for ease of reading:

• If the baby is crying, it's probably hungry. Especially if it's under 6 months. For months I would try to figure out the routine of sleep, eat, play and try to source the Babe's crying to gas or boredom or overheating or underheating but in the end, almost always, if I fed her she would stop crying.
• Stop worrying about the damned laundry. And the dusting . And the dishes. Those old women who keep telling you they are only babies for such a short time? They are right. You will never look back 20 years from now and say “I wish I spent more time with my Swiffer.”
• Go out often before you and your baby get on a schedule. Because once you are on a schedule, it’s reruns and laundry while the Babe naps. The allure of a full night’s sleep is always enough to keep me housebound.
• Go out with your husband/wife/domestic partner more. We had trouble with this. We never wanted to inconvenience anyone, so we rarely asked people to babysit for us, and when we did, we often felt guilty. But the times we did manage to go out together, it was magical (and often involved a cocktail).
• Babies have a sense of humour. Have a new couch? The baby will spit up on it, 10 minutes after you burp her. Have your hands full of packages and the baby? She will choose to use that moment to climb you like a spider monkey climbs a tree, forcing you to drop everything, groceries included.
• Stop worrying about cleaning. Seriously.
• Surround yourself with positivity. I hooked up with an amazing group of women in pre-natal yoga. They were my rocks, my sounding board, my peanut gallery. They never hold back on their opinions and they will drop everything to help me. Latch onto the people who help you be a better parent, through positivity and support, because it will make all the difference when you’re going through the hard times of the first year.
• Stop wearing your nice clothes, because you will cry when they get spit up/pee/the other one/coffee/formula on them. Wave at them from afar and know that like every long distance friendship, you will see them again someday.

Lastly, know that you know your child. Listen to your mother , your doctor, your friends, but know at the end of the day you know your child and go with your gut. 

Happy New Year everyone!

Photo credit: Natalie Coutu