My last day

Of maternity leave that is. I have spent the last few days savouring my time both with the Babe and without her. We have gone swimming, taken a few walks, had some playdates with playmates and some major tickle fights. It has been lovely just focusing on enjoying her. It should have been like this the whole time, but a lot of the time I let life get in the way of my own happiness and put tasks over games. It's funny how when you have a countdown on, your priorities change.

I also took some time for me while the Babe integrated into daycare. I used up gift certificates on a manicure and lunch with a friend. I bought new (work) clothes and watched a movie at home. I had my hair coloured and I went to see a show with my husband. Because as of Monday morning, it's just work, family time and soccer for me. It was great to have some alone time and I definitely achieved a lot more shopping without a little one to distract in the changeroom!

The anxiety is still there. Less so about daycare because the Babe seems to be really enjoying herself there. She is napping there and is always climbing on something when I pick her up. More anxious because I miss her already. And because I'm worried about sick days (after reading another mom's post about using up all her sick AND vacation days when her kids got sick) and about the state my house will be in after the first two weeks at work. I desperately want to know that I'll be good at my job, because I so dislike the first week where you're figuring everything out an don't quite have a groove. In my varied work history I have had difference levels of personal/professional disclosure in the workplace and I'm interested to see what the balance will be in this new place.

I want to be able to handle it. I really do. I want to know that I'm making the right decision (I realize I'm repeating this sentiment in a number of posts). But tonight I know that I have spent the last two weeks giving the Babe all my quality time and she will be headed to daycare knowing her mama loves her and misses her during the day.

Wish me luck!

~ H

Our waterbaby

The first swimming lesson ended with tears. Tonight's lesson, two months later, ended with tears also. But the difference was that tonight's tears began in the last two minutes of the lesson, when the Babe's tiredness could no longer be ignored. She went from being the only baby who screamed the entire lesson to the happy demonstration baby. She's been dunked over five times and she can make it around the lazy river more than once without crying.

The best part? Her Dad's face when they finish their lessons, successfully and happy. I signed him up so that they could have this time together, just them, without me being directly involved. The first weeks were rough and we questioned whether or not to continue. I questioned whether this was helping or hindering their relationship. But with the splashes and smiles I saw tonight, I'm really glad we stayed with it.

Next week is our last class and I'm a little sad that it is over. We will see if there's another session, and if so, we'll probably sign up again. If not, I'm eager to find another father-daughter for my two Babes :)

~ H